A Birthday

Each year on my birthday, I feel like I’m in two places at once. The past taps at my heels as tomorrow hovers over my eyes, and I don’t know which way to look. On the threshold of Elul, I glance back at the past 365 days that were entrusted into my care. Did I imbue them with light, are they vibrant and full? Or do they stand shriveled, betrayed, imploring me to turn around and give more?

I hesitate as year 28 greets me with a broad smile. I am strangely suspicious of it. How can I advance if I am indebted to the past? But the warmth and newness of Elul softens the weight on my shoulders and invites all of me in. When the King is in the field, the most important thing is to show up. Baggage and all. So I lug all those days with me, the ones that shine brilliantly and the ones with dark empty spaces. Because I can't just leave the past behind without fixing it. Maybe if I journey out to welcome the King, He'll help me do just that.

This year, I'll find a way to transform all those days and make them effervescent.